Giving Up Clinging to the Past January 21, 2010

The greatest lesson I have learnt from the Buddhists (..no am not a Buddhist myself) is this:

“At the heart of all suffering and pain is desire“.

After meditating and pondering this for almost four years I have also found by experience its complement, which I state as:

“All the suffering or pain in our lives comes from either desire, or its close cousin … aversion”

Yeah like someone said …”screwed if you do, screwed if you don’t” ie when you desire something and don’t get it … the result is suffering or pain. On the other hand, when you are averse to something and it does happen, you get the same pain and suffering.

A similar dynamic plays out in our relationship with time … for most of us, we go from worrying about the future (either that we won’t get something owe desire or something we are averse to will happen) to reminiscing the past (for the good things that did happen) or regretting it (for the bad ones that did happen)

Well if we think of it …either one of those mindsets is only bound to bring us pain. Not that it isn’t a good thing to think of good times though, sometimes I find myself in strange places amongst strangers that the only thing I summon to keep my spirits high is the image of Perpetua’s smile.

Of recent, I have caught myself in that dangerous mode … specifically trying to sustain dead or dying friendships, conjuring up to the present a past that once was great but is no more. I remember in my dark days I used to have a policy of going through my phone to DELETE the number of anyone I had called thrice who had never called me back. Back then, the motivating feeling was anger … but now that I have resumed that practice, it’s one of detachment, letting go. I still care about those people, after all they were once great parts of my life …but I choose to let them be, with their new friends and priorities and I ACCEPT THAT I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PRIORITIES.

So if we should not desire or be averse, what then should we be? … The answer for me has been to SAVOUR the moment. This moment right here, devoid of all my desires and aversions that are yet to materialize, this moment is the ONLY thing I have any real experience and claim to. An by being mindful, I choose to live  and savour it by…

• Letting the act of kindness happening in front of me fill my heart with love and my brain with serotonin.
• Counting each of the lavenders, bougainvilleas, wild tomatoes and lemon grass blades that smile and sing to me as I jog in the morning.
• Letting the glorious melodies and lyrics of whatever song I am listening to lift my spirits.
• Reveling in and bursting with admiration for the creativity in the painting, the movie , the dance, the football moves et ..

And with all that I hope that by not clinging to the past or the future, I will not ruin the great present of the present moment which I have NOW.

“Your Children Are NOT Your Children” November 11, 2009

Ever heard it said that what you think of increases in your life? I first came across this poem while reading “The Fifth Discipline” by Peter Senge and it it was just so beautiful time literally stopped. Here it i:

Your Children are not Your Children

by Kahlil Gibran

Your Children are not Your Children

They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

All I can pray for is that I will have the strength to let my own children be, to learn from them and not ruin their lives by trying to force my own unfulfilled dreams on them. Sometines, while see a 3 year old girl with heavy make-up and some super-complicated hair (which is often beautiful) but I ask myself … “Does this little girl care about all this? or is it just the mother trying to make a statement?”.

This seems to contrast the Bible’s message to

“bring up a child in the path he should follow, and when he grows, he will not depart from it” .

Problem is, even when we are parents, some of us are still very lost, living lives devoid of some higher purpose, in pursuit of material wealth and all the other vanities that we use to define our existence, we really should not be giving a path to our children. BUT we can give them the gift of a few undeniable principles — the value of hard work, of humility, of service to others, of gratitude and integrity and if we do a good job of modelling those virtues ourselves, then we can let them use those principles to make their own paths and God won’t judge us for what paths they choose, for we would have done our part as the Bow.

I think I’ll go get myself a copy of “The Prophet”

Alone …But Not Lonely: Taking Home with U November 5, 2009

What is home? Where is it? Those are the questions I have had to face for myself lately. I have spent more than a third of my life away from the house in which I was born, away from the people that conceived and raised me (God bless them). If that is what home is …. and I have thought so for a long time, then that part of my life spent away from it has been …. a huge loss.

I once read somewhere that “a home is any house with love in it” and I have experienced it to be true. For I  twice (completely different countries) lived with other woman who neither fed nor clothed me but I knew as well as my own breath that they loved me like any one of their own children. Different women have tended me when I was ill, fed me, chastised me and at those moments, I have felt the same thing I have felt at home in the arms of my mother: the embrace that felt like it could protect me from a bullet, the hug that heals my heart-ache, the eyes that see into my soul and the look of gratitude and pride that says “My son, I am proud of you” without using a single word.  But then because I have had to move often, it(that physical proximity) hasn’t lasted.

Now, I have come to realize, that if you can’t carry your home in your heart, you will always be lonely. It is those thoughts of love, of care, the fond memories, the scars of shared care, of sacrifice that make home. And so I woke up this morning, so far away from my mother she couldn’t hear me if I screamed (a scary thought), four hours difference between us, i felt lonely, but reached into my heart and summoned home. … all of them, all of the ‘homes’ across different physical places I have lived, I carry them within me and I am grateful to God for this revelation. Now, I can go about my business anywhere I am, knowing that even though I am a lone, I am not lonely, for my home is in my heart and Allah watches over me.

Ultimately … even in the eyes of GOD …it comes down to BEHAVIOUR/ACTION/EXECUTION March 24, 2009

I woke up this morning to get my random inspiration from the Bible. And as I opened it, my eyes fell upon these words from Romans 2: 5 – 15 [emphasis mine]

” … But according to your hardness and unrepentant heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath, revelation, and of the righteous judgment of God;
who will pay back to everyone according to their works:

to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and incorruptibility, eternal life;
but to those who are self-seeking, and don’t obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, will be wrath and indignation,
oppression and anguish, on every soul of man who works evil, on the Jew first, and also on the Greek.
But glory and honor and peace to every man who works good, to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.
……
For it isn’t the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law will be justified
(for when Gentiles who don’t have the law do by nature the things of the law, these, not having the law, are a law to themselves,
in that they show the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience testifying with them, and their thoughts among themselves accusing or else excusing them)
“

While the path to excellence and perfection [any way you choose to define it] begins with and is shaped by thoughts, wisdom and belief/knowing, the manifestation of excellence and perfection ultimately lies in the things we DO … ie our behaviour. So many of us Christians seem to want to emphasize faith to the detriment of works but I think this passage tells us that is not the case. I haven’t found the passage in the Bible that says God will pay us back according to our faith. Yes … faith [and knowledge and theory etc] is important, in fact indispensable but the evidence of our faith lies in the works that we do [by their fruits they shall be known].

May God grant us the strength to continually put our faith/knowledge/principles into action in ways that elevate our spirit and conscience over our egos and selves.

On Fame & Greatness March 6, 2009

I was listening to Mark Sanborn’s “You Don’t Need A Title To Be A Leader” and he said these lines that got me meditating about my life and the collective values of our society.

“Fame is based on what you get out of life, greatness is based on what you give to life”
WOW!!! and I wondered within me, what have I been seeking to do with my life? I believe that most people’s definition of success has connotations of fame or riches in it but I believe in a deeper kind of success … the Shibumi kind and it is quite simply success that is based on greatness, on what you contribute to make this world a better place. One of my favourite authors Stephen Covey puts it puts it in a way that says you can be successful but not significant [can't remember the exact quote]

No, I don’t think fame in itself is a bad thing [often, the famous have made great sacrifices to earn their fame eg as musicians, footballers etc], but because it is something that appeals to the ego and increases our sense of self and I, I inherently suspect it because it could easily lead to arrogance and avalanche of other vices that come when we let our ego go unbridled. Fame will always be hollow, shallow and dangerous unless it is earned through greatness ie we spend a life of sacrifice and giving to others and then the world rewards us with fame [Like Ghandi, Mandela, Mother Theresa] … but exactly at that point is when the greatest danger to our spiritual evolution and growth comes.

In a way, getting fame as a reward for greatness could be the ultimate test of our spirituality. This is because fame lures the mean and weak into self exaltation, we start thinking how special we are rather than see that perhaps we were priviledged to have had a higher power [GOD] work through us [Remember Moses drawing God's ire when he struck the rock to bring out water seemingly by his own power?]

So consistent with my philosphy that everything is a journey and or process, fame then can be seen as a bigger challenge that one must face in the quest for self mastery and perfection. First is all the work we must do within to purify ourselves, learn master and practice the right principles. Then as we get a bearing, we continue on that path, AND also start making contributions to society to help others and make a positive contribution in the world and if we are good at the latter, the reward then is the burden of fame which is a battle on the personal front.

May we find the strength to be able to tame the lure of fame as we grow in our self mastery and that perhaps one day, we may overcome it like the monk in “Bullet-proof Monk” by giving up our name!

Move It!!! — Leave the Past Behind!! February 17, 2009

One of my favorite quotes is from the character Vahla in the TV series Stargate SG-1. It goes thus:
“There is nothing to be gained in second-guessing yourself.
You can’t remake the past
So look to the future
Or risk being left behind”

What I take from this is that we should never let our past, no matter how sordid hold our future to ransom. Some of those habits that keep us captives of the past are regret and rumination.

So leave the past behind and also let the future be … your domain is here and now – the only domain you can DO anything about anything. Look people, between ruminating about the past and worrying about the future both of which are ultimate acts of futility, there is another way … savour the present. Stop and bask in the glory of that flower, the magnetic innocence of a child or the wonder of God’s work.

Simple Framework for Living Right January 2, 2009

The title may not quite cover what I have in mind. I was listening to an episode of the Zencast and got this really framework on how to live a life that evolves into something higher.
1. Do no harm
2. Do good
3. Purify yourself
1 & 2 may are different sides of the same coin but when each is pondered in its own right, it can help us avoid evil or take initiative in doing good. On their own,  these things don´t help much with our spiritual growth …. it is the third, purifying oneself that leads to spiritual growth and with time, clarifies and refines 1 and 2. Simple and powerful insights.

Simple Framework for Living Right November 28, 2008

The title may not quite cover what I have in mind. I was listening to an episode of the Zencast and got this really framework on how to liv e a life that evolves into something higher.
1. Do no harm
2. Do good
3. Purify yourself
1 & 2 may are different sides of the same coin but when each is pondered in its own right, it can help us avoid evil or take initiative in doing good. On their own,  these things don´t help much with our spiritual growth …. it is the third, purifying oneself that leads to spiritual growth and with time, clarifies and refines 1 and 2. Simple and powerful insights.

Publicizing Charity – What a Shame October 17, 2008

When Obama and his wife earned between $200,000 and $300,000 annually from 2000 through 2004, they donated less than 1 percent to charity. As a result of the sales from Obama’s two books, he and Michelle earned as much as $4 million per year the past couple of years. Then the Obamas’ charitable contributions went up to 5 percent

Obama vs. McCain — A Clear Choice – HUMAN EVENTS

I understand not everyone is christian …. but does it occur to this journalist that charity is something private? When journalists like these start making an issue of public figure’s know charitable work, it only helps make more of them pretentious — in effect demeaning charity. Come on!!

A Pure Heart, A Clear Conscience, A Genuine Faith, A Humble Mind September 10, 2008

A pure heart spews forth LOVE for mankind, for nature and PASSION within me – Emotional Intelligence at its peak.

A clear conscience is the ultimate compass for life’s journey – the guide for right and wrong, dead set and locked on TRUE NORTH PRINCIPLES. A clear conscience is the only guide that can drive a pure heart, a genuine faith and a humble mind …. Spiritual Intelligence at its peak.

A genuine faith comes from meditating under the guidance of a clear conscience. Faith being “…. the substance of things hope for, and evidence of things unseen” is the ultimate weapon for conquering uncertainty, chaos and the key to living hapily and fulfilled in the moment.

A humble mind is always aware of how little it knows and lingers for understanding, not just knowledge. Understanding reveals our unique purpose and a vision of life as it should be – spontaneous creativity, effortless virtue and holistic problem-solving in elegantly simple ways – now that is IQ at its peak